It's all part of our story...

We have been waiting now for about 2 months...On one hand I can't believe how fast the time is flying by (it is November already!) and on the other hand the days feel like they creep by just waiting for that phone call.  I am sure all adoptive parents experienced these difficult times in the months they waited...

We did get a presented with a very complicated situation about 6 weeks ago that eventually did not workout for a variety of reasons.  It was a really enduring time for us but we know in our hearts that our baby is out there and will find us soon.   While we were researching and learning about the situation, we quickly learned how blessed we are to live in a city with such great hospitals and world-wide recognized specialists.  It is amazing (and comforting) to know there are so many caring and helpful individuals and institutions dedicated to the health and well being of children.

During this time we were really hit over the head with the financial obligation of having a child, especially if other conditions arise that demand more financial support than anticipated.  It also reminded us how quickly this all could happen and quickly our lives will change once we become parents.  While stressful, it all makes us that much more determined and hopeful to grow our family through adoption.   The path to become parents is never a smooth sailing one for anyone and we realize our situation is no different.  Everyone has a story and this is just a chapter in ours...

We are involved in so many things through out the day to pass the time.  Brett is working really hard on finishing our basement so our guests will have a place to stay and I am continuing to put all my creative efforts into our hopesodreams business.  We are also beginning to gather some necessary baby items and start to think about the nursery.  Maybe one day soon, we will actually decide on a paint color and begin to change the extra bedroom.

The other distraction we have had these past months has been the Cardinals in the playoffs!  We feel so lucky and blessed to live in such an awesome sports town.  It has been so exciting (just what we needed) watching the Cards win the World Series.  We even got to go to the best game in world series history...Game 6.  I can't describe how awesome it was to be among the 47,000 people going crazy in Bush Stadium that night.  What a way to get your mind off of things...

We are still working on our adoption video that will eventually be posted on our website.  It seemed a whole lot easier to film ourselves being interviewed for the potential birth parents in theory.  To actually sit down and talk to the camera is a bit scary for me.  We have already filmed a bunch of "short spots"  showing activities we love, aspects of our lives, and us interacting with children.  We have also interviewed some family and friends and just need to complete our interviews and a few more short spots.  Hopefully by the end of the week/weekend we will be ready to send in the video to the specialists at the agency who will work their magic with us.  After they finish a 5 minute glimpse our our life, it will be be posted on the website along with our profile for potential birth mothers.

We have also been busy researching and writing a grant through the organization Help Us Adopt.  An adoptive mom started this as a way to help people with the financial struggles adoption brings.  We spent many hours working on the application and will find out in December sometime if we are able to receive some assistance.  Regardless, we feel strongly about this organization and would love to give back to them when we are back on our feet one day.  Check it out at http://www.helpusadopt.org/.

-Megan

Now we wait...

Brett and I are officially active as of today!  We are so exited and hopeful about the months to come.    But as a very young Tom Petty once said, "The waiting is the hardest part..."

Our profile is now online and being sent to all prospective birth mothers who we match with.  The online profile includes more pictures and information than the partial printed profile from our previous post.  Here is the link to our online profile with the agency:  http://www.americanadoptions.com/family_profile/index/fp_id/22927

We know we don't look like this couple,
but its a descriptive picture of how we feel :) 

We have been keeping busy getting ready for our future baby.  I have gone shopping with my friends and my mom.  At first, Babies R Us overwhelmed us but now (thanks to my friends) we have a handle on what we need for those first few weeks in a hotel room.  I am working on our emergency baby bag.  I have bought most of the necessary stuff - now I just need to get it all in a bag.  :)

I have a friend at work that gave me her pack 'n play and another friend who knows somebody getting rid of all of her baby stuff.  Everything is really in perspective for us and it is more apparent than ever that God has a plan for us.  We are really lucky to be one of the last to have kids in our circle of friends.  

The thing that gets me the most is that baby things are not gender neutral at all these days!  I am trying to buy several outfits that our child might fit in those first few days and can't seem to find anything neutral.  Our baby is going to look a little boyish regardless of the sex.

Our counselor at the agency has told us not to have a shower before we bring a baby home.  They don't want us to associate stuff with a particular baby and then be even more heart broken if the birth mom changes her mind at the last minute.

Although we are theoretically anywhere from 1 to 9 months "pregnant", the whole situation is odd for us since we are not "physically pregnant".  We are looking into taking a "new baby" class at the local hospital and are anxious that we will probably be the only ones not actually pregnant.  We just ordered a book to help us through the first few weeks in a hotel room with just us "three" but are still scared that we won't know what to do with our brand new infant.

We look forward to the support of our friends and family to help us through!   Thanks so everyone who has been there for us through this incredible journey!

Megan and Brett

Really, really close to being "on the market"

Earlier this week we learned that our social worker assigned to us to do our "home study" had completed the report and her supervisor has approved us to adopt.  So now the paperwork is in route to the Adoption Agency.  That is great news, because the American Adoptions just finalized all of the other paper work we had to complete.  

American Adoptions has completed our "family profile" which they will give to prospective birth parents who are in the process of selecting a family to adopt their child.  The first 2 pages of the profile are included at the bottom of this message.  Once American Adoptions processes the report from the social worker, then the only thing left will be to pay the "adoption activation fee," and then we will be "active."  So we should be actively on the market almost any day!

The adoption agency did a wonderful job putting together our "family profile."  We are very happy with it. We can also do a "video profile," which costs more money but it isn't required.  While we work on the video, our "family profile" will be shown to prospective birth parents, so it will not delay the adoption process.  The adoption agency has told us the many birth parents really like the "video profiles" so it should increase our chances of being "chosen."

So the process works like this, its kind of like online dating.  Our information is put into computer software which is matched up with perspective birth parents who fit similar requests and preferences as the adoptive parents.  They are shown 15-20 profiles and then choose one.

Once we are active (which could be anyday now) we could get the call that we have been selected as parents.   Then one of two things could happen.   One scenario: Since we are willing to do an open or semi-open adoption, the birth mother may still be months or weeks away from giving birth.  In that case we would make every effort to travel to wherever the birth parents are, so we can meet them.  Then we would go back again when the baby is born.  Second scenario: The agency calls and tells us that the a birth mother choose us and her baby has already been born and we have to travel within 24 hours to the state where the baby is.

In either scenario, we have to be ready to stop what we are doing, and jump on a plane to travel to the birth mother once the baby is born.  Our employers are aware of this and very generous with us in knowing that we could be leaving town on a whim.  In most states we have to stay in the state for 2-3 weeks after the baby is born before we bring the baby home.  

So needless to say the upcoming days, weeks and months are going to be very exciting and nerve-racking!  

Below are a couple pages from our "family profile" that the adoption agency put together for us.  So the birth parents will be looking at profiles like ours from 15+ other prospective adoptive parents.

We are "Paperwork Pregnant"

Brett and I are what the adoption world calls "paperwork pregnant".  We have actually been paperwork pregnant for several months as we have moved through all the steps of this long process.

I am proud to say that it is now more or less out of our hands.  We have finished all of our end of the paperwork and submitted it to the agency.  We also have gotten approved to adopt via our home study and are just waiting on the final report.  The agency is now working on our "profile".  This profile is a collection of our thoughts on a variety of questions and pictures we took and collected.  Their media specialists put it together to look really nice and then it is posted online on the agencies page.  It is also sent out to birth mothers that we are a potential match with based on criteria that we filled out in the last round of paperwork.  These birth mothers will get to view about 15-20 potential matches for them and then choose one.

Once our profile is active, we will let everyone know the website so they can check out what we look like "on paper".

The last step of this "paperwork" process is for us to complete a video that will be seen as part of our profile online.  We can still become "active" before the video is finished.  The agency is in the process of sending us the video kit so we can create our clips for them to put together into a 5 minute snapshot of us and our life.

We went out to celebrate one step completed last weekend by going out for a really nice dinner and then going into our first baby store as potential parents.  I have to say that we were incredibly overwhelmed and anyone who has kids can relate to us about their "first time" as well.  Fortunately, I have incredible friends and they have helped me out by going back to the store and educating me on everything I will need in the beginning.

I want to acknowledge Brett in this whole process.  He has been so supportive and aware of my feelings.  I couldn't ask for a better husband and a better future daddy!  :)

Thanks so everyone in our life for their support and comfort.  We couldn't do this without you!

More to come about the waiting part of this process...

Lots accomplished today!

We got a lot of steps completed today in our adoption process.  We now have our APQ (Adoption Planning Questionaire) complete with the adoption agency.  It essentially is "Phase 2" of the adoption process.  Now the agency has to follow-up with us to confirm everything we included and then we will move on to "Phase 3."  We received the APQ a few weeks ago to complete, and although we got a good jumpstart, it really raised a lot of discussion points for us to make sure we were on the same page with.

In this phase we had to determine what type of communication with the birth parents we are comfortable with.  We have agreed to be very open with the birth parents.  There were 20ish essay questions. Many of the questions deal with making sure we understand how the "match process" works and how we will be "presented to birth parents."  Other questions are more to confirm what type of research on adoption we have done involving reading and also talking to support groups, friends and family.

To give you a specific example, here is one of the questions.  "Have you considered how you will discuss your child's adoption with him/her?"  Here is our response:  We will talk about from an early age with the child how he/she did not grow in his/her mother's belly but that he/she is our child. The child will be so comfortable with that fact that it will be second nature. We have already purchased multiple children's books related to the adoption process and we plan to start reading them with our child at any early age. Megan will make a "book" for the child explaining all we know about the birth parents and the child's adoption story. This will be in place of a typical baby book. We will make a point to have the child involved in the adoption of a pet at an early age to insure that he/she feels very close and a part of the pet's life.  

An example of another of the 20 essay questions is "What are your biggest fears/concerns about the adoption process at this time?  Here is our response:  Uncertainty to when it will happen, how it will happen, and how quickly we will bond with the child. We realize no matter how concerned we are about the situation, the birth parents are going through something even more significant. We'd love the chance to get to know the birth parents to ease their both of our fears, but realize that they might not want that kind of contact.


We had to specifically decide on what races we are comfortable with adopting.  One of the biggest discussions we've had regarding all of this is to determine what we are comfortable with regarding substance use and frequency on behalf of the birth mother.  With this adoption agency we have to be open to daily cigarette usage which is apparently overwhelmingly common with unplanned pregnancies.  Also, we had to choose how much Alcohol, Marijuana, Amphetamines, Anti-Depressants, etc. usage by the birth mother we are comfortable with.   When you take in consideration how many times you hear of someone not knowing they are pregnant and having a drink, it puts this question more into perspective.  Also, considering the amount of people out there dealing with ADD, depression and other common disorders, it becomes very cloudy as to what a typical pregnant mother might expose their child, whether the pregnancy is planned or not.  


The APQ requested more typical questions like what types of hobbies we do together, how we plan to pay for the adoption, as well as where we work and what we do and things like that.  The "Home Study" social worker who we met with for the first time last week, will be verifying similar information like this independently as well.  The meeting last week with her went very well, and we were able to get her 80% of the information that was needed.   We've gotten the rest of it complete, and now that the APQ is done, Megan will schedule the next (and final) meeting with her tomorrow.  Then (pending the social worker's approval) we will be moving on to the next step!  


What is the next step?  Good question.  The adoption agency will be sending us a "Phase 3" packet which will request tons of information regarding what Megan and I do specifically in our lives.  This information (including pictures and videos) will be what is presented to birth parents to help them decide whether they can relate to us and then ultimately determine if they want us to adopt their child or not.  Our hobbies, our favorite things to do, family activities, favorite movies, and things like is the type of information that will help the birth parents determine if we are a good fit or not.   We've gotten a head start on that as well, we've been taking pictures (with help from friends and family) as well as discussing all our favorite things like "what is your favorite holiday movie?" (Christmas Vacation for Brett & Christmas Story for Megan if you were wondering.)  


In addition to all of the adoption process stuff we have going on, Megan is preparing to sell Hopes O Dreams merchandise this Sunday at the Flea Market here in our Neighborhood.  Megan's friend Beth (and her family) are coming to visit us this weekend and she is going to help with Megan's booth at the Flea Market.  Beth is a Clothing Merchandising Guru with lots of experience managing Express retail stores, so Hopes O Dreams apparel will be properly (profitably) presented to the public.  Rumor has it that many of our friends from the Edwardsville/Collinsville area will be in attendance too, so its great to receive all of this great support we are getting from our wonderful friends. 

On top of all of that, we got the Building Permit approval from the City of St. Charles to complete our basement today.   Now construction can (officially) begin.  We got all of the lumber for the build-out moved into the basement this last weekend (with lots of help from Brother-In-Law Will and Megan's parents.)  God bless them for doing so much help in the 100 degree St. Louis weather.  My brother is tentatively planning to come down next weekend to help construct the walls.  The basement will play a big part in the adoption process since we will have more room for friends and family to come stay with us to visit and help nurture our soon-to-be child into our family!

Thanks again for reading, we are sincerely blessed to have so many friends and family members who are so supportive and helpful with this whole process,  Brett


  

Busy times at our house

We've not been very good at updating this blog lately because we are very busy - but busy in a great way.  We get our first visit from the home study social worker early this week.  In preparation of her visit we got another packet of information ("Phase 2" - they call it) about a week ago with another round of forms to complete and information to gather up.

Birth certificates, marriage license, insurance cards, verification of employment, vaccination records (for Albert of course), medical and drivers licenses are just some of the documents we had to copy.   Those are actually some of the easier ones to get together (with the help of our employers, our parents and and Dr. Little at Elm Point Animal Hospital.)  The birth certificates we actually never have had to have for anything, but thank goodness our parents both kept them for us.

We also have to get Physicians Reports from our doctors which is a bit of challenge for me since I haven't seen a physician (other than the eye doctor and dentist) in nearly 4 years.  And that doctor moved to New York, so one of my big priorities right now is to get a new doctor soon.  We also had to complete a financial statement and document all of our assets, expenses and income.  The bank I work for requires this type of info all the time for people who want to borrow money, maybe I should propose to the Board of Directors that we open an adoption arm of the bank :)

We also got a safety list of required items for the house to adequately support children.  Good stuff that we should have had already, but we had to make a trip to Sam's and Lowe's for a fire extinguisher, carbon monoxide detectors (for each floor), and a lock for a closet door to store things you don't want children to get into.

This picture was taken from U2's stage Sunday night. The cool part is when we saw it we had just gotten a text about one of those births on July 17. Our dear friends gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Max Joseph! Congrats Rachel and Jake Germann!

In the meantime, we are working through some of the materials for Phase 3 which includes very specific details including things like what type of medical conditions of the birth parents we would be comfortable with for the adopted child.  The birth parents complete similar questionnaires regarding the adoptive parents as well, and then the agency enters all our information into computer software that makes matches.  Kind of like online dating.   There is enough information about that for it's own blog entry so I'll leave it at that for now.  

We also are gathering pictures of us doing the things we do and the places we go.  This all will be included in our profile that will be shown to prospective birth parents to help decide if they will choose us or not.   So as we go on bike rides, go to games, cook-out, exercise, hang out with friends and family we have to get more pictures, because the agency requests a lot of pictures to choose from.  Then we have our individual hobbies that we have to cover too.  Fun stuff, just lots to do.

On top of that, Megan is still working feverishly on baby clothes for friends and family and I have taken on the chore of finishing the basement.  I'm submitting plans this week to the city to get the permit, so construction will start soon.   We always planned to start and finish the basement once Megan got pregnant, but now we could realistically have a baby as quickly as 1 month after the home study is approved and our information is gathered.  So I've got to get to work so we have room for our friends and family to stay with us when the baby arrives!!!

We continue to lean heavily on family and friends for support and help to get us through this process.  We appreciate it and we can't express our gratitude enough.


Thanks for reading, Brett
 

Hopes O Dreams @ Old Campground Festival in New Lenox, IL

Our first big craft show on June 25th was a great success!  Thanks to my wonderful family (Mom, Dad, Laura, Will, Grandma, and our third cousin Emily) we were able to set up an attractive booth and enjoy a busy day at The United Methodist Church in New Lenox. Brett and I would never have been able to do this with out all the help. (Especially because all of my items were not finished and ready to go upon arriving in New Lenox.)  Laura and my Grandma were packaging greeting cards and even cutting off strings on the O'Burps (hand sewn baby burp cloths).  We were also very lucky to have the support of my childhood friends.  My biggest shoppers were some of my friends' moms spoiling their grandkids!  I even got to meet one of my great friend's 9 month old for the first time.

I brought my Cans O'Flowers (garden flowers made out of soup cans), O'Swaddles Wraps (soft, flannel swaddle blankets), tie-dye headbands, Greeting Cards with my designs, O'Burps, and my tie-dyed clothing items along with all my designs to iron on.  Our biggest seller was the baby onesies and the toddler and youth tie-dye shirts.  Due to the hard work and determination of Will and my mom, we were able to have electric ran to our booth so I could plug my iron in and customize the shirts.  Everyone had a great time making their purchases unique and in the future I will definitely offer the ability to customize at any other show I do.

It was also really great to share our adoption story with a variety of people.  I am a firm believer that we need to get our story out there because you just never know who might be listening!

Our next show is another Flea Market/Craft Fair in New Town on July 31st!