We are "Paperwork Pregnant"

Brett and I are what the adoption world calls "paperwork pregnant".  We have actually been paperwork pregnant for several months as we have moved through all the steps of this long process.

I am proud to say that it is now more or less out of our hands.  We have finished all of our end of the paperwork and submitted it to the agency.  We also have gotten approved to adopt via our home study and are just waiting on the final report.  The agency is now working on our "profile".  This profile is a collection of our thoughts on a variety of questions and pictures we took and collected.  Their media specialists put it together to look really nice and then it is posted online on the agencies page.  It is also sent out to birth mothers that we are a potential match with based on criteria that we filled out in the last round of paperwork.  These birth mothers will get to view about 15-20 potential matches for them and then choose one.

Once our profile is active, we will let everyone know the website so they can check out what we look like "on paper".

The last step of this "paperwork" process is for us to complete a video that will be seen as part of our profile online.  We can still become "active" before the video is finished.  The agency is in the process of sending us the video kit so we can create our clips for them to put together into a 5 minute snapshot of us and our life.

We went out to celebrate one step completed last weekend by going out for a really nice dinner and then going into our first baby store as potential parents.  I have to say that we were incredibly overwhelmed and anyone who has kids can relate to us about their "first time" as well.  Fortunately, I have incredible friends and they have helped me out by going back to the store and educating me on everything I will need in the beginning.

I want to acknowledge Brett in this whole process.  He has been so supportive and aware of my feelings.  I couldn't ask for a better husband and a better future daddy!  :)

Thanks so everyone in our life for their support and comfort.  We couldn't do this without you!

More to come about the waiting part of this process...

Lots accomplished today!

We got a lot of steps completed today in our adoption process.  We now have our APQ (Adoption Planning Questionaire) complete with the adoption agency.  It essentially is "Phase 2" of the adoption process.  Now the agency has to follow-up with us to confirm everything we included and then we will move on to "Phase 3."  We received the APQ a few weeks ago to complete, and although we got a good jumpstart, it really raised a lot of discussion points for us to make sure we were on the same page with.

In this phase we had to determine what type of communication with the birth parents we are comfortable with.  We have agreed to be very open with the birth parents.  There were 20ish essay questions. Many of the questions deal with making sure we understand how the "match process" works and how we will be "presented to birth parents."  Other questions are more to confirm what type of research on adoption we have done involving reading and also talking to support groups, friends and family.

To give you a specific example, here is one of the questions.  "Have you considered how you will discuss your child's adoption with him/her?"  Here is our response:  We will talk about from an early age with the child how he/she did not grow in his/her mother's belly but that he/she is our child. The child will be so comfortable with that fact that it will be second nature. We have already purchased multiple children's books related to the adoption process and we plan to start reading them with our child at any early age. Megan will make a "book" for the child explaining all we know about the birth parents and the child's adoption story. This will be in place of a typical baby book. We will make a point to have the child involved in the adoption of a pet at an early age to insure that he/she feels very close and a part of the pet's life.  

An example of another of the 20 essay questions is "What are your biggest fears/concerns about the adoption process at this time?  Here is our response:  Uncertainty to when it will happen, how it will happen, and how quickly we will bond with the child. We realize no matter how concerned we are about the situation, the birth parents are going through something even more significant. We'd love the chance to get to know the birth parents to ease their both of our fears, but realize that they might not want that kind of contact.


We had to specifically decide on what races we are comfortable with adopting.  One of the biggest discussions we've had regarding all of this is to determine what we are comfortable with regarding substance use and frequency on behalf of the birth mother.  With this adoption agency we have to be open to daily cigarette usage which is apparently overwhelmingly common with unplanned pregnancies.  Also, we had to choose how much Alcohol, Marijuana, Amphetamines, Anti-Depressants, etc. usage by the birth mother we are comfortable with.   When you take in consideration how many times you hear of someone not knowing they are pregnant and having a drink, it puts this question more into perspective.  Also, considering the amount of people out there dealing with ADD, depression and other common disorders, it becomes very cloudy as to what a typical pregnant mother might expose their child, whether the pregnancy is planned or not.  


The APQ requested more typical questions like what types of hobbies we do together, how we plan to pay for the adoption, as well as where we work and what we do and things like that.  The "Home Study" social worker who we met with for the first time last week, will be verifying similar information like this independently as well.  The meeting last week with her went very well, and we were able to get her 80% of the information that was needed.   We've gotten the rest of it complete, and now that the APQ is done, Megan will schedule the next (and final) meeting with her tomorrow.  Then (pending the social worker's approval) we will be moving on to the next step!  


What is the next step?  Good question.  The adoption agency will be sending us a "Phase 3" packet which will request tons of information regarding what Megan and I do specifically in our lives.  This information (including pictures and videos) will be what is presented to birth parents to help them decide whether they can relate to us and then ultimately determine if they want us to adopt their child or not.  Our hobbies, our favorite things to do, family activities, favorite movies, and things like is the type of information that will help the birth parents determine if we are a good fit or not.   We've gotten a head start on that as well, we've been taking pictures (with help from friends and family) as well as discussing all our favorite things like "what is your favorite holiday movie?" (Christmas Vacation for Brett & Christmas Story for Megan if you were wondering.)  


In addition to all of the adoption process stuff we have going on, Megan is preparing to sell Hopes O Dreams merchandise this Sunday at the Flea Market here in our Neighborhood.  Megan's friend Beth (and her family) are coming to visit us this weekend and she is going to help with Megan's booth at the Flea Market.  Beth is a Clothing Merchandising Guru with lots of experience managing Express retail stores, so Hopes O Dreams apparel will be properly (profitably) presented to the public.  Rumor has it that many of our friends from the Edwardsville/Collinsville area will be in attendance too, so its great to receive all of this great support we are getting from our wonderful friends. 

On top of all of that, we got the Building Permit approval from the City of St. Charles to complete our basement today.   Now construction can (officially) begin.  We got all of the lumber for the build-out moved into the basement this last weekend (with lots of help from Brother-In-Law Will and Megan's parents.)  God bless them for doing so much help in the 100 degree St. Louis weather.  My brother is tentatively planning to come down next weekend to help construct the walls.  The basement will play a big part in the adoption process since we will have more room for friends and family to come stay with us to visit and help nurture our soon-to-be child into our family!

Thanks again for reading, we are sincerely blessed to have so many friends and family members who are so supportive and helpful with this whole process,  Brett


  

Busy times at our house

We've not been very good at updating this blog lately because we are very busy - but busy in a great way.  We get our first visit from the home study social worker early this week.  In preparation of her visit we got another packet of information ("Phase 2" - they call it) about a week ago with another round of forms to complete and information to gather up.

Birth certificates, marriage license, insurance cards, verification of employment, vaccination records (for Albert of course), medical and drivers licenses are just some of the documents we had to copy.   Those are actually some of the easier ones to get together (with the help of our employers, our parents and and Dr. Little at Elm Point Animal Hospital.)  The birth certificates we actually never have had to have for anything, but thank goodness our parents both kept them for us.

We also have to get Physicians Reports from our doctors which is a bit of challenge for me since I haven't seen a physician (other than the eye doctor and dentist) in nearly 4 years.  And that doctor moved to New York, so one of my big priorities right now is to get a new doctor soon.  We also had to complete a financial statement and document all of our assets, expenses and income.  The bank I work for requires this type of info all the time for people who want to borrow money, maybe I should propose to the Board of Directors that we open an adoption arm of the bank :)

We also got a safety list of required items for the house to adequately support children.  Good stuff that we should have had already, but we had to make a trip to Sam's and Lowe's for a fire extinguisher, carbon monoxide detectors (for each floor), and a lock for a closet door to store things you don't want children to get into.

This picture was taken from U2's stage Sunday night. The cool part is when we saw it we had just gotten a text about one of those births on July 17. Our dear friends gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Max Joseph! Congrats Rachel and Jake Germann!

In the meantime, we are working through some of the materials for Phase 3 which includes very specific details including things like what type of medical conditions of the birth parents we would be comfortable with for the adopted child.  The birth parents complete similar questionnaires regarding the adoptive parents as well, and then the agency enters all our information into computer software that makes matches.  Kind of like online dating.   There is enough information about that for it's own blog entry so I'll leave it at that for now.  

We also are gathering pictures of us doing the things we do and the places we go.  This all will be included in our profile that will be shown to prospective birth parents to help decide if they will choose us or not.   So as we go on bike rides, go to games, cook-out, exercise, hang out with friends and family we have to get more pictures, because the agency requests a lot of pictures to choose from.  Then we have our individual hobbies that we have to cover too.  Fun stuff, just lots to do.

On top of that, Megan is still working feverishly on baby clothes for friends and family and I have taken on the chore of finishing the basement.  I'm submitting plans this week to the city to get the permit, so construction will start soon.   We always planned to start and finish the basement once Megan got pregnant, but now we could realistically have a baby as quickly as 1 month after the home study is approved and our information is gathered.  So I've got to get to work so we have room for our friends and family to stay with us when the baby arrives!!!

We continue to lean heavily on family and friends for support and help to get us through this process.  We appreciate it and we can't express our gratitude enough.


Thanks for reading, Brett
 

Hopes O Dreams @ Old Campground Festival in New Lenox, IL

Our first big craft show on June 25th was a great success!  Thanks to my wonderful family (Mom, Dad, Laura, Will, Grandma, and our third cousin Emily) we were able to set up an attractive booth and enjoy a busy day at The United Methodist Church in New Lenox. Brett and I would never have been able to do this with out all the help. (Especially because all of my items were not finished and ready to go upon arriving in New Lenox.)  Laura and my Grandma were packaging greeting cards and even cutting off strings on the O'Burps (hand sewn baby burp cloths).  We were also very lucky to have the support of my childhood friends.  My biggest shoppers were some of my friends' moms spoiling their grandkids!  I even got to meet one of my great friend's 9 month old for the first time.

I brought my Cans O'Flowers (garden flowers made out of soup cans), O'Swaddles Wraps (soft, flannel swaddle blankets), tie-dye headbands, Greeting Cards with my designs, O'Burps, and my tie-dyed clothing items along with all my designs to iron on.  Our biggest seller was the baby onesies and the toddler and youth tie-dye shirts.  Due to the hard work and determination of Will and my mom, we were able to have electric ran to our booth so I could plug my iron in and customize the shirts.  Everyone had a great time making their purchases unique and in the future I will definitely offer the ability to customize at any other show I do.

It was also really great to share our adoption story with a variety of people.  I am a firm believer that we need to get our story out there because you just never know who might be listening!

Our next show is another Flea Market/Craft Fair in New Town on July 31st!

 

hopes o dreams events

The neighborhood we live in hosted a "Flea Market" event a few weeks ago so we got a booth and brought out some of Megan's products to sell.  It was a rainy & cold Saturday morning which contributed to a very low turnout, but we still were blessed to sell some clothes and we got to share our story with a lot of our great neighbors.  We are very lucky to live in such a supportive community.  There is another Flea Market on Sunday, July 31st.

Equally as cool was that my parents came over the night before and worked their tails off well past midnight to help us get some products completed and ready to sell.  Then we were up and at 'em to get up the Flea Market for the 7am start time.  We couldn't thank my parents enough for all they have done to help.

We've got another opportunity June 25th in New Lenox, Illinois where Megan grew up.  Her parent's church is having its 36th Annual Old Campground Festival and we are going to do a booth there too.   Her parents have volunteered to come down in a few weeks to work in the "hopes o dreams" factory to help us prepare for that one too.  Megan's dad plays in the praise band at his church and will actually be playing a set of songs at the Art Fair, how cool is that?  Here is a YouTube video of the United Methodist Praise band.  Megan's dad Marty is on the far right.

On the Sunday before Memorial Day, Megan hosted a "tie dying" party at a friends house for her daughter's birthday.  She helped over 20 children tie die their own shirts and then put a custom design on each one.  The weather was great and the kids (and parents) were incredibly happy with the turnout.


thanks for reading, Brett

the concept behind hopes o dreams

There is a bit of "baby fever" in the O'Daniell household these days.   Megan started tie dying shirts for a project at her school (she is an art teacher at Churchill Center & School for learning disabilites.)  She loved it so much, on the nights and weekends, she started tie dying baby onesies and shirts as gifts for some our friend's children.  Like us, many of our friends and co-workers are smack dab in the middle of the "prime-time" age for baby making.

The response has been so great, that we realized we could put all the proceeds from sales of products to help us create the family we have been dreaming of through adoption.  Many say by the time it is all said and done, we could spend well over $40,000 on the adoption.  We realize it is a huge financial commitment, and are very gracious to everyone who buys Megan's products.

Megan has been working franticly since her birthday (April 21) on "hope O dreams."  On her birthday we established the name.  Megan and Tami Cralleye were talking one day and they came up with the idea "hopes & dreams."  Megan and I took it a step further and decided to personalize it with a sprinkle of our last name, thus "hopes O dreams" was born.

Additionally on her birthday, we created the logo and bought the www.hopesodreams.com website address which now points to Megan's etsy account. She has uploaded dozens of her handmade products and adds more and more each week.   We underestimated the "custom order" aspect of all the products, but Megan has loved coming home each night from school and cranking out custom "baby o onesies."

School is out for Megan now, she is going to be helping at school for a week, and then she gets to spend the rest of the summer living and breathing "hopes o dreams."  She is so excited, and I can't say enough how lucky I am to be married to such a creative and loving person.

We both are so blessed to have so many caring and supportive friends, family and neighbors who are supporting us as we navigate through this very exciting time in our lives.


Thanks again for reading, Brett.

Received Our Adoption Packet Today!

Brett and I received our adoption packet today from American Adoptions!!!  YEAH!!!

In it was a big manual we need to read that explains the process and how to fill out all the necessary paperwork.  I actually read a lot of it while working out at the gym!!

It also included the home study packet to fill out along with the criminal, background, and child abuse forms.  We are currently filling out this information while enjoying the Cardinals (they are up against the Giants) and a glass of some excellent V. Sattui Cabrernet provided by the Stigalls! Thanks Elizabeth and Bill!

Photo from last night at Botanical Gardens
with Bill, Elizabeth and our God Child Liam.

The other part of the packet was a long form we have to fill out called the Adoption Planning Questionnaire.  This is completed online and is basically a ton of questions about our future child and our future birth parents.  It is where we basically hand pick a child.  It is very weird to have to check boxes indicating "yes" or "no" on a variety of questions that most parents don't have a say so in.  It includes anything from race, medical history of the birth parents, our adoption budget, how open we want the adoption to be, and a bunch of open-ended questions regarding our knowledge and thoughts about the process.  This will probably take the longest to complete and will require a lot of conversations between Brett and I.

There was also the information about creating a photo and video profile (which we are the most excited about).  We get to collect about 50 photographs about all aspects of our lives and submit them along with  some text about Brett and I as individuals and as a couple.  We submit all of this online and the agencies professionals put it together for our photo profile that is about a 4 page spread all about us.  This is what gets send to potential birth parents to market ourselves! :)  This part also includes a video camera that will be send to us after we send in the pictures to help us collect video clips of us, our neighborhood and our friends and family.  These clips are also put together by the agency's professionals as our video profile.  This is also sent to potential birth parents to help them make an informed decision.

This part of the process is what really sold me on this agency.  Potential birth parents only receive about 15 "matching families" and those family's photo and video profiles.  The agency has this awesome and complicated program that spits out matches based on all the criteria the birth mothers and the adoptive parents submit.  They are then send our profiles (video and 4 page spread) to help them make their decision.  I loved that the birth mothers get the opportunity to see us and hear about us along with all aspects of our lives. I also love that the stress of creating these items are taken off or us!  We have been through so much that the thought of how much stress Brett and I (being the creative perfectionists we are) would acquire in creating these items would put us over the edge.

So......if you are wondering what we are up to in the coming weeks.....it will be PAPERWORK! and of course working on items for our hopesodreams.com store on etsy!

We might we coming around to some of you for photos and video clips!

Thanks for reading and we can't thank you enough for your love and support!

Megan